"Crazy Sundays and Lazy Mondays"

I work Sunday night, so, at this house, Monday's are lazy. I enjoy lying on the couch or one of the beds with the kids and watching videos, listening to music, reading books, and snuggling until nap time. Then at 1030 or 11 we enjoy a great snooze! Although working nights has it's challenges, I love the flexibility it provides our family. 

Yesterday, we went back to Calvary Baptist. It was difficult getting all three kids up and out the door on time and, this time, we had a lofty goal of making Sunday School. What was I thinking? Poor David had pink eye and was really down, so we left him in a quiet house to rest and infect the rest of the bedding. LOL (A little wife humor never hurt anyone)  Even though we have tried really hard to become part of a local church, we are not happy at any of them; even David. I told him years ago that we have to love it as a family. We have to all feel part of the church and like we belong there; otherwise, we can worship at home because I'm not having our choice of a church relationship drive up stakes of arguments from unhappiness. That defeats the purpose  But, then there's Calvary. We love it there and it's completely worth the drive to attend. We nearly made it to Sunday School on time, but at least we tried. Plus, the kids got introduced to their teachers. 

If you grew up in church, then I know you remember that feeling when you walked in the doors. It felt like home and it didn't matter how long you were gone, when you came back, it still felt like you'd never left and that you were home. Calvary feels that way and even though we've been gone for months, when we walked in... it felt that way again! We were flooded with, "Where have you been," "how is everyone? We heard the little ones have been so sick this year? Are you doing Calvary's Got Talent again this year?" and this was all in the first few minutes we were in the lobby outside the sanctuary! *sigh*  

Service was great and worship service was stellar! I've been singing Chris Tomlin's worship song "Whom Shall I Fear" since we left the building. It's crazy how God leads you where he wants you even when you are busy taking all the side roads on the map looking for it somewhere else. God has the master plan and, trust me, there are times I can't decide if it's God leading me to do something or if it's the Devil driving me away from God... either way, as a human being, it usually takes a while before I catch on either way. 

I thank God daily for my wonderful, supportive, loving, Christian parents they are generous, patient, and full of wisdom that I neglected to take advantage of when I was younger. After David and I talk, the next place is Mom. Sometimes, just a quick outside influence's opinion is enough to shed the light you are seeking. I am blessed in so many ways! 

Thankful for the life You've given me God including the Crazy Sundays and Lazy Mondays! :)

"Chuck E. Cheese: A place where God can meet you"

I guess I never really considered the fact that God could meet me anywhere.... not until He met me at Chuck E. Cheese today. 

We took the kids for some long overdue, crazy fun. They all three had an absolute blast once we got there. However, the drive was not so pleasant. I think we were all thankful for the entertainment system playing Umi Zoomi to keep them somewhat preoccupied with that and not our argument... well, to be fair it was several arguments. It was very silly, but at the time we were each pretty angry and quite justified, it's just too bad we couldn't stop being oversensitive to one another. I think the only reason we didn't keep picking at one another is simply because we had arrived at Chuck E. Cheese, so we put on our happy faces. The minute I did, I realized I'd been an oversensitive fool and we apologized to one another. 

Inside we ordered and let the kids being playing games and spending coins. The cacophony of games, giggles, squeals, screams, cries, chatting and more was insane. It's a wonder anyone could hear anything specifically, but I heard Cassie yell, "Mommy, Look!" So, I supposed it was possible somehow. That's when I looked over and saw a couple coming over to let their toddler play in Toddler Town. Any other day, I probably wouldn't have noticed what happened, but today..... my heart had been opened for the purpose of noticing something. The Dad took the toddler by the arm, both smiling from ear to ear, and started walking towards the games. The Mom was standing there with the stroller and got a stern look on her face, she yelled something I couldn't understand, but it got the Dad's attention. She then proceeded to talk at him with this stern "Mommy" look on her face and the more she talked the more defeated and like he wanted to run away the Dad came to look. She pointed at the games and at the toddler. I don't know what she was saying, but I can take a pretty good educated guess. Why? Because I'm guilty and that was the point. For me to get it.

I've done it plenty of times. I guess it's just hard to not be "Mommy" to everyone in your little nest, but my husband is not one of the kids. He's my husband. It's so disrespectful to talk to him that way and I don't why women tend to do it. It looked awful and disgusting.... and to think, I've been that woman. I pray that God can help me change that. I don't EVER want to be that woman again. 

I owe him a big apology and although I've apologized for stuff, I have no idea how to approach him. I'm giving it over to God, letting him read my blog post, and trying my very best to not be his mother, but to be the wife he deserves.  

"Busy Bees: Spring Fever"

 I'm very excited about all the changes going on in our lives right now. I think Spring simply MUST be in the air or is it just "Spring Fever?" 

The kids pull the blinds and beg to go outside and I can't wait to take them hiking, to the park, for a walk around the neighborhood, and more. My mind is buzzing with ideas from packing lunches, to teaching opportunities, and I can't wait to see their reaction to different things. 

The winter lazies are coming out of me stretching and yawing and looking around for things to do. It's going to be hard to complete this semester even though it's all online. Suddenly, the sunshine is calling me to play with the kids and not worry so much about History and Sociology papers, Math work, and Spanish class.  By the way, "La Primavera" is Spanish for Spring. Persistence is key and I'll schedule study time for evening. I am waiting to hear back from a local private duty company on some hours. This is SO exciting for me. I loved working for them and the hours and flexibility are grand for an aspiring SAHM! And, let's don't forget that it is a very, very, very UN-stressful job. Super-bonus! If they have weekends available, I see even more change in the near future. 

La Primavera cleaning is on the horizon. I keep noticing things we need to put in storage or just get rid of which makes me think about posting a community swap opportunity. For instance, I need a round kitchen table and I have a rectangle shape. How nice if someone just wants to trade, right? Comment if interested. 

La Primavera cleaning is also in our souls. Even Cassie, our 3 year old, has practically demanded that I take her back to church. We passed Encounter Life Church this morning and she said, "Hey Mommy?" I said, "Yes, baby. What is it?" She throws her head back and yells, "Take me back to church!" LOL  Oh, how my family has my heart.  I have missed the fellowship  and I long to return as much as they do. 

As Spring approaches,  we are all busy little bees making our preparations for the season change. Our journey is full of life, love, kisses, giggles, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am so glad to share it with all of you! 

So, in the ever faithful words of Dora the explorer, " Come on, Vamonos! Everybody let's go!" 

"Tough Love"

Our children will never understand that everything we do is seriously in their best interest. Even when it hurts, we are simply doing our very best to do the very best job possible in protecting you while you grow; and sometimes it hurt us more! I "know" this because I was a kid once, too. It was through having my own children that I began to realize this truth. Freedoms and privileges are given and taken for the purpose of teaching, molding, and shaping character. To teach about money, we have to be a stickler for the amount given and refuse to pay for overage. We also have to refuse to give extra for poor choices. This promotes good stewardship and decision making skills. To teach about responsibility, we refuse to bring textbooks to school after leaving them at home and we refuse to return to school to get something that was a known necessity to complete homework. This promotes preparedness. But today, it was a reminder in choosing friends wisely. 

Social networking is a privilege, not a right. We have the password and monitor the accounts, deny and even  sever connections. See, I feel a great responsibility to teach them to choose wisely, but in the event they are not capable; it is our job to intervene and either take away the privilege or eliminate the actual problem. It wasn't her. It was her friends and we do not have to allow a poisonous friendship to remain intact. We had a shorter than expected discussion. I thought it would be more difficult. I laid out the details and said with absolute certainty that the friendship must be ended. I was initially met with pleading to allow a change. I explained all that I knew of the one sided friendship and advised, with great conviction of personal experience, that a choice to be around friends that share beliefs and behave similarly instead of being bossy, eclipsing, and judgmental would benefit in the long run. I explained that friends should complement one another and it should be a give and take. 

The next thing I knew I was watching a transformation as my little girl realized she didn't have to stay friends with someone who wasn't good to her, for her, didn't really like her, and she didn't really like, that disappointed her all the time, and made her feel like they always had to do what that girl wanted.  She said she thought she was helping, but it was killing her to do so. I promised her that she would find good, enriching, and supportive friends if she kept looking. She said she missed our church, Calvary Baptist, and I promised we could return. She said she'd like that and that way she can makes friends. I want that for her sooo badly.  Don't settle, I told her, and always, always, always know that I love you more than anything and want the very best for you and that you can tell me anything. 

She said, "Trust me, I know Mama. I love you, too!" 

"Tipping the Scales"

Is it just me or is their something in the air? I woke up today and breathed in wet, stormy, sunshiny morning air and I was flooded with peace and happiness. I firmly believe it's the fruit of studying God's word and letting it take root in my heart. Through study, my eyes have been opened to some deceptively destructive behaviors; meaning that, the things I tend to do as a woman are just an excuse for not really taking a moment to appreciate how I affect those I love. Well, they are just an excuse now that I am aware of it and I intend to nurture that awareness to produce a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, and co-worker in myself.

 It seems I'd fallen into a little trap over the last weeks. Our lives have been stressful with work, school, illness, and more illness. In fact, our house has been sick for most of 2013. I read that it's not life's circumstances, but how you react that decides how it affects you.  I really thought I was in the right, but that's how the devil works, guys. He whispers absolute insanity into your ears, but makes you believe it! He has that power because it's given to him when you even allow him to whisper to you.

      For example: If you said to me "Hey tell your husband he's mean to you all the time." I'd tell you to take yourself somewhere and have a heart to heart with God because I'm not sure what your problem is, but it needs attention. However, when my husband and I are in a little disagreement our opportunistic fiend whispers, "Why is he always so mean about stuff?" and  then out came the words,... poison! It doesn't stop there, then we leave the disagreement bitter and unresolved because no one apologizes... we are both right and therefore it's a stand off.... divided, defeated. 

Us-0 Devil-1  

Then we are doing our own thing and the kids are running like crazy. Happy, beautiful, wonderful noises... stomping, giggling, and squealing, but the seed has been planted so we only hear noise. I yell at the kids," why can't you just be quiet!" They look shocked, sad, misunderstood, hurt, and completely unsure what is going on and why there is a problem... because there isn't a problem with them... it's me.

 Us-0 Devil-2 

The scales are tipped in the wrong direction and I was justified in my feelings because I was stressed out, trying to make changes, working nights, tired all the time, and unappreciated..... but it wasn't really accurate. It's true they might not understand what's going on in my mind, heart, and soul,... but it's beyond ridiculous for me to give way to the devil's whispers that it's their fault in any way, that they deserve some kind of punishment, or to believe that they don't love or appreciate me.  It's like the fear-dar in The League of Incredible Vegetables, he sure knows what I fear the most and he uses it and he does it well. 

As my study opened my eyes, I began to pray for God's help and leading. "Oh, Lord continue to open my eyes and lead me to the anti-venom of this poison in my life. Renew your Spirit in me so that I am prepared to battle that  ludicrous whisper the next time he thinks he has an opportunity. Help me to repair all the weak spots I have caused. You alone can do this! In Jesus name, A-men!"

"If God be for us, then who can be against us. We can win the battle if for God we stand," lyrics from one of my favorite hymns and they are applicable daily! Through studying God's word and making His word what I feed my heart, I am tipping the scales the right way:

Jesus-All / Devil-0

 Tuesday, February 12, 2013                

"The  Importance of just being Mommy "

I know many women struggle with their individual identity and careers after having children and  you are not alone. We have three wonderfully and fearfully made children that are 11 years old, 3 years old and 20 months. When I was pregnant with our youngest, we made the decision for me to go ahead and go back to school. Reasoning that childcare would be more than sufficient for the 2 years it would take to bridge from my LPN to my RN and that, surely, we could make it through that time. I could still have a career. It's important as a women to maintain a career, right? Our society demands it, else we are considered lazy housewives right? The stigma.... my goodness. 

 Let me remind you now, that our plans are not God's plans and if you want to hear Him laugh then tell him what you are going to do. Somehow, I often fail to consider His opinion, leading, calling, and omnipotence. Knowing all the while that he can see the big picture while I cannot, I proceeded with our ideas. 

I was mid semester (Summer 2011) when I had him and I was so caught up in adoring him, that I failed a class. No big deal, I retook it the next semester and prevailed! :) In fall 2012, I began the RN program. I was so excited for myself. As the semester raced on, life at home began to show signs of falling apart. One sickness after another, fights over everything, the kids screaming "I want to stay home with Mommy," guilt, guilt, and more guilt. After a mere 3 weeks into the program, my husband and I discussed withdrawal options. It was decided we could do this! However, as the first semester neared it end, we passed around one sickness after another. I went two weeks and didn't attend lecture because of the kids being so sick they weren't allowed to return to school. That was a bad exam. The semester finally came to an end and not soon enough for us. 

During, the long Christmas break I struggled with knowing that I needed to leave the program and not wanting to drop out! I, finally, told my husband that I knew it was the right thing to do and that I'd researched online options to stay in school in an effort to not waste the time and resources invested in further my education. I withdrew. 

The increase in time with my family was an immediate reward; however, my work schedule was still preventing me from being Mommy. Our middle child began to throw tantrums and beg me not to go to work. They were going to school without seeing me, I'd pick them up at 3 in the afternoon, then go to work at 620pm. They were never getting to see me. I changed my schedule at work and began to allow them to stay home with me all day. 

It quickly became obvious that my kids needed me to "just be Mommy." 

Thoughts began to run through my head and I questioned many things. I began to wonder, "Who's raising my kids? Me? No, the teachers are getting the best time with them. The teachers are instructing them, nurturing their creativity, teaching them, nursing them when they are hurt, and..... they are also the models my children are watching everyday all day. They see how the teachers interact with others, they watch how they react to situations, they are disciplined or not disciplined according to that teachers beliefs and the schools policies, they are watching the teachers interact outside the classroom and when they are on break. They are learning who to be from them, not me and my husband. 

    

The teachers are raising my children, now there's something wrong with that! 

Now we are in the process of reducing my hours to weekends only so that I can stay home with our beautiful wonderful children. I'm going to be with them, teaching them, nurturing them, showing them how to react and interact, and being the example of the fruits of the Spirit I long to instill in them. If only I could keep them in mind so that they see a good example to follow. lol

 I am SO excited to join this elite movement, the League of Extraordinary Women, the Few, the Proud,.... Stay at home Mommies!